I just want to take a moment to philosophize a lil bit about how much I appreciate all the beautiful women on this planet, and all the different ways "beauty" is manifested. Can I get an amen (well)??
First of all, let me clarify: this is not about a shallow once over, "big titties, fat ass" type of vibe. This is some good old down-to-earth stream of consciousness about all of you: tall, short, thick, thin, black, white, yellow, brown, eyes, lips, hands, feet, eye brows, smiles, teeth, necks, shoulders.......everyday you make a brotha SMILE.
I just want to thank all the beautiful women on the planet for keeping us men tryin' to be cool. For real. Cats wouldn't be in the gym if it wasn't for y'all. Cats wouldn't be tryin' to be educated if it wasn't for y'all. Learning to cook? Fuggetaboudit. Learned of world events? Hell naw. Tryin' to be all brave an' shit in traumatic situations even when we're scared as hell too? Huh uh. If it weren't for y'all we'd be runnin' like be-yotches. Callin' each other names an'shit. No fisticuffs. No Mixed Martial Arts. NFL uniforms? Sweatpants and hoodies. Fuck it, t-shirts and shorts. No overwhelming populations in prisons...huh uh...none of that. Some of that sounds negative, I know, but all your beauty adds spice to life on earth, good and bad.
Let me list all the benefits your beauty has brought me personally:
1). I have developed the ability to hold my breath for an un-naturally long length of time. It's not like I TRY to puff out my chest and suck in my gut when you're around, it's like a knee-jerk reaction. A beautiful women anywhere close and I'm like a male bullfrog in the height of mating season in the Amazon Rainforest: puffed up. But, this new ability would come in handy if I was ever in a ferry accident in the middle of the Balkan Sea...shit....by now, my ass could swim smooth back to the mainland.....underwater. Thank you. One day you could save my life.
2). You have given me the ability to detect the ever slightest recession of my hairline. Un-noticable to the human eye, but because of your beauty my hairline vision rivals that of the American Bald Eagle. You have given the men in this world the ability to develop new and exciting ways to achieve maximum coverage with minimal product. All the makings of a successful insurance broker. Because of you my children will never go hungry if I go bust as an artist. Again....thank you.
3). You have increased the capability of my imagination. I now have the ability to imagine, on a daily basis, that somehow I'm different from all the other dudes out there. I actually imagine that I DON'T make a fool of myself and do the most ridiculous things when in the presence of a beautiful woman. The deep, introspective stare off in the distance, slightly clenched jaw [for the super-hero jawline effect] and of course the afore mentioned puffed up chest (blood pressure spiking dangerously and that big-ass vein in side of my neck throbbing from not breathing).....not me. Or staying in the gym for an extra hour because one of you walked in just when I was getting ready to leave....throwing my muscles into a fit of aniphylactic shock...never. This also doubles as raising the level of my physical fitness. Shit, holding those poses is a workout!! Mark another one down to the ladies for lengthening my life expectancy due to an active lifestyle.
4). Most importantly, you've given me the gift of higher self-esteem. Given me a stronger sense of belief because I actually BELIEVE that if a beautiful woman has come over to the same section as me in the grocery store, or the gym apparatus next to me (at the umm, gym), or pulled up to the same traffic light as me, it's because she finds herself unexplainably yet wildly, almost animalistically attracted to me. This level of belief in me would make Reverend Doctor Martin Luther The King proud. He thinks he had a dream? Sheeeeit. R. Kelly believes he can fly? Amateur. For this again: th-th-thaynk ya (praise him).
In closing, I just want to say that I miss nothing. I see beauty in all of you and it makes me smile every day. I see the same beauty in my daughters as I watch them grow into strong, intelligent, willful little creatures. I can't imagine (and don't want to!!) a world without ALL of you. You're neccessary. Take it from me. I wouldn't lie to you. I'm different dammit........
First of all, let me clarify: this is not about a shallow once over, "big titties, fat ass" type of vibe. This is some good old down-to-earth stream of consciousness about all of you: tall, short, thick, thin, black, white, yellow, brown, eyes, lips, hands, feet, eye brows, smiles, teeth, necks, shoulders.......everyday you make a brotha SMILE.
I just want to thank all the beautiful women on the planet for keeping us men tryin' to be cool. For real. Cats wouldn't be in the gym if it wasn't for y'all. Cats wouldn't be tryin' to be educated if it wasn't for y'all. Learning to cook? Fuggetaboudit. Learned of world events? Hell naw. Tryin' to be all brave an' shit in traumatic situations even when we're scared as hell too? Huh uh. If it weren't for y'all we'd be runnin' like be-yotches. Callin' each other names an'shit. No fisticuffs. No Mixed Martial Arts. NFL uniforms? Sweatpants and hoodies. Fuck it, t-shirts and shorts. No overwhelming populations in prisons...huh uh...none of that. Some of that sounds negative, I know, but all your beauty adds spice to life on earth, good and bad.
Let me list all the benefits your beauty has brought me personally:
1). I have developed the ability to hold my breath for an un-naturally long length of time. It's not like I TRY to puff out my chest and suck in my gut when you're around, it's like a knee-jerk reaction. A beautiful women anywhere close and I'm like a male bullfrog in the height of mating season in the Amazon Rainforest: puffed up. But, this new ability would come in handy if I was ever in a ferry accident in the middle of the Balkan Sea...shit....by now, my ass could swim smooth back to the mainland.....underwater. Thank you. One day you could save my life.
2). You have given me the ability to detect the ever slightest recession of my hairline. Un-noticable to the human eye, but because of your beauty my hairline vision rivals that of the American Bald Eagle. You have given the men in this world the ability to develop new and exciting ways to achieve maximum coverage with minimal product. All the makings of a successful insurance broker. Because of you my children will never go hungry if I go bust as an artist. Again....thank you.
3). You have increased the capability of my imagination. I now have the ability to imagine, on a daily basis, that somehow I'm different from all the other dudes out there. I actually imagine that I DON'T make a fool of myself and do the most ridiculous things when in the presence of a beautiful woman. The deep, introspective stare off in the distance, slightly clenched jaw [for the super-hero jawline effect] and of course the afore mentioned puffed up chest (blood pressure spiking dangerously and that big-ass vein in side of my neck throbbing from not breathing).....not me. Or staying in the gym for an extra hour because one of you walked in just when I was getting ready to leave....throwing my muscles into a fit of aniphylactic shock...never. This also doubles as raising the level of my physical fitness. Shit, holding those poses is a workout!! Mark another one down to the ladies for lengthening my life expectancy due to an active lifestyle.
4). Most importantly, you've given me the gift of higher self-esteem. Given me a stronger sense of belief because I actually BELIEVE that if a beautiful woman has come over to the same section as me in the grocery store, or the gym apparatus next to me (at the umm, gym), or pulled up to the same traffic light as me, it's because she finds herself unexplainably yet wildly, almost animalistically attracted to me. This level of belief in me would make Reverend Doctor Martin Luther The King proud. He thinks he had a dream? Sheeeeit. R. Kelly believes he can fly? Amateur. For this again: th-th-thaynk ya (praise him).
In closing, I just want to say that I miss nothing. I see beauty in all of you and it makes me smile every day. I see the same beauty in my daughters as I watch them grow into strong, intelligent, willful little creatures. I can't imagine (and don't want to!!) a world without ALL of you. You're neccessary. Take it from me. I wouldn't lie to you. I'm different dammit........
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